He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
