She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
