just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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