took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
