Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
