I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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