Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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