she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
are you so shy because you have an std?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish there were birth control emojis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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