I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish there were birth control emojis
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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