You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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