Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
