i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
