what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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