its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
