I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
