I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
