Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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