i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
