I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
