sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
