If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
