i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
