I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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