Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
