He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
