its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
