I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
