I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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