Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
