There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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