Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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