he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
