the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
