if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just found a bag of teeth...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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