Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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