make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
