I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
