PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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