weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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