I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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