3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
