you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You've changed since you got that strap on
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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