would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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