don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
