Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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