just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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