I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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