I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize