if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
