She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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