The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
