im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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