the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
