tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
