dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
