Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
