We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
