I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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