I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
