is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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