I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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