IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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