I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
