the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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