tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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