how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
