Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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