U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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