he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
