So drunk its hurt
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Randomize
