It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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