I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
