my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize