Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
