I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
