im having a threesome with these popsicles
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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