So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
